


Under the light of the moon

by moonflwrs



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor, damie, dani clayton - Fandom
Genre: Canon, F/F, LGBT, slowburn, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27437521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflwrs/pseuds/moonflwrs
Summary: The Wingraves hire a new au pair to look after the Wingrave children, Miles and Flora as their parents died a few years back and their Uncle Henry spends his time away at work.The Wingrave children live at Bly Manor, for the last few months with housekeeper Hannah. There is also a cook and gardener that spend a lot of their time at the Manor.The American au pair begins work and finds something that she’s been hoping for for so long...
Relationships: dani/jamie, owen/hannah
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	1. The Au Pair Arrives

The sun rose particularly early that spring morning, the grass twinkling with the condensation and frost on its tips. The flowers were beginning to bloom in Bly, blossom was sprouting on the trees that glistened in the early light. Along the long country road leading up the the manor, drove a black car, with suitcases piled in the boot, a sleeping woman on the back seat, mouth slightly open. The driver, Owen, picked her up early from her hotel in London so they would return in time for the children to be able to greet their new au pair when they woke.

The car jolted as it drove through a pot hole in the road that Owen had not seen, the au pair startled awake as she knocked her head on the window.  
“Oh I’m terribly sorry, this darn road is full of pot holes nowadays they’re almost impossible to avoid.” Owen announced as he noticed the au pair waking in his mirror. She looked at him in the reflection and smiled, “It’s so beautiful here,” :he noted to herself while looking around, “I’m terribly sorry for sleeping, I have a terrible habit of falling asleep in cars.”  
“Oh it’s no matter, it’s early as it is. I wouldn’t have expected you to stay awake.” Owen responded cheerfully.

The au pair looked around and noticed a house stood proud in a break in the trees, she sat up and gazed, “Is that it? The manor?” Owen looked to his left and nodded.  
“Sure is, all alone and away from anyone, I hope you knew that. I hope you weren’t expecting some big city house!” The au pair shook her head and laughed, Owen laughed in response and readjusted in his seat.

Minutes later the arrived at the drive of the manor, bushes sat at the side of the stone drive surrounded by fields and trees, a lake to their right and a small desolate church with a few dirty windows. They slowly drove closer to the manor. Perfectly maintained flowers decorated the house and garden all the way until the tree line in the far distance.

The two got out of the car and the au pair turned slowly as she got out of the car, mouth ajar with amazement as she took in her surroundings. Behind her, Owen began to take the au pairs suitcases out of the car and put them in the doorway.  
“So do you drive often? I can’t imagine there’s much of a job for that round here?” the au pair asked, turning to see where he was.  
“Oh no, I’m actually the cook here, Henry just asked me to collect you, and I didn’t mind, he knows I love a long drive.” He responded closing the car door behind him ushering for the au pair to follow him to the door.

Owen unlocked the front door and opened the doors, stepping aside to pick up a suitcase and let the au pair into the house. She leant down and picked a lighter bag up and slowly entered the house, amazed by the entrance of the house. Stood at the bottom of the stairs was a woman, tall and slim wearing a long skirt and red jumper.  
“Hi,” the woman said stepping forward, “I’m Hannah, the live-in housekeeper. You must be the new au pair?” she added rhetorically, reaching a hand out to shake, “the children are very excited to meet you, they couldn’t sleep last night!” She added smiling at the au pair.  
“It’s so lovely to meet you,” the au pair responded, “are they awake? The kids I mean? Flora and Miles?” she added as she let go of Hannah’s hand and looked around the spacious hallway.  
“Not yet, I was just going to wake them when I saw the car arrive, thought I would introduce myself first. Please go and have a cup of tea, I’ll tell the children you’re waiting in the kitchen.” Hannah pointed towards the kitchen as she turned to walk up the stairs.  
“The kitchens just here,” Owen showed the au pair into the kitchen and poured her a cup of tea, “Hannah must’ve made some tea, please have a cup while I take your bags upstairs-“ The au pair tried to interrupt but Owen quickly added, “don’t worry about your bags the kids will want to see you, you best be here waiting or Flora will run the lengths of the house to find you!” Owen walked out of the kitchen and back towards the entrance of the house.

The au pair swilled her tea around in the mug as she admired the old house. In front of her walked in a woman, dressed in dungarees and an over-shirt and boots. Her hair wild with curls, poking out of a blue bandana, her hair beautiful like chocolate, bouncing just above her shoulders as she walked. The woman walked towards the sink as if she hasn’t even seen the blonde sat at the table and began to wash her hands as Flora rushed into the room in a dressing gown, Miles slightly behind her.

“I’m Flora, it’s perfectly splendid to meet you!” the little girl chirped.  
“And I’m Miles,” the slightly taller boy added, “you must be our new au pair. We’ve heard all about you!” The boy took a seat next to the new au pair. Flora skipped in and sat the other side. Owen entered the room along with Hannah, both chatting as they walked in, they saw the woman at the sink and assumed that she had introduced herself and so kept going.

Owen set the table and presented the children and the new au pair with toast and a variety of jams. Hannah took a seat opposite the au pair, “are you joining us?” She asked looking towards the woman now leaning against the sink.  
“Oh I might as well, can’t pass up on Owen’s food now can I?” a beautiful voice spoke from the woman with the bandana, northern but understandable. The woman stood up straight and walked towards the table, she took a seat next to Hannah and acted as if she’d known the au pair for years. Owen took a seat the other side of Hannah and they all started to eat.

The children took control of the conversation, asking all about the new au pair and her move from America and her journey here. They all chatted while eating their toast and finishing their cups of tea. The au pair noticed the children had finished and took it as an opportunity to explore the house with the children, “how about you both show me your rooms and we can brush our teeth and get dressed?” she asked. Both children nodded excitedly and stood up eagerly. The au pair stood and Flora grabbed her hand and rushed her off, she tried to turn and say goodbye but didn’t have a chance.

The children’s rooms were just up from the stairs, joined with a bathroom in between the two. They entered in Flora’s room and she showed the au pair all of her things, she showed her the dollhouse and her dolls and into the walk in wardrobe, Flora picked out a dress and placed it on the bed. Miles walked through to his bedroom and the au pair followed, he showed the au pair his room and got himself some clothes out.  
“Right both of you, I’m going to be in the kitchen. I want you both to be there in four minutes, teeth cleaned, faces washed, hair brushed and dressed.” The blonde said, edging out of the bedroom, “no later or the consequences will be severe... GO!” she added and closed the door. The children quickly started to sort themselves out, faster than they ever had, laughing as they did.

The au pair returned to the kitchen and sat at the table was the brown haired woman, alone. She didn’t flinch as the au pair walked in, she continued to stare down at the table. The au pair walked in and sat down at the table opposite the woman.  
“You must be Dani, then?”


	2. Caught in the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani found herself oddly drawn to the gardener and accidentally unknowingly confided in her...

The au pair looked up and met eyes with the brunette, “that’s me,” she replied with a smile. 

“Jamie.” The woman across from her added, “I’m the gardener here.” 

The two locked eyes and didn’t break until Miles ran in and wrapped his arms around Dani and startled them both. 

“Miles!” Dani was in shock but the fear in her eyes made the gardener laugh, and then Dani herself couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Three minutes I believe.” Miles proudly announced as Flora ran in. 

The two children ever so proud of themselves. Dani turned and stood up to face the children. 

“Clothes seem to be in order, hair seems to be brushed... teeth?” She asked bearing her teeth at the children for them to mirror, and they did so. “Hmm... teeth seem to be in order. Good. Now, how about you both give me a tour of the grounds, I’d love to see the garden.” 

The children nodded and excitedly turned to leave the kitchen. “Jamie?” Dani added before she left. The gardener nodded and stood up and walked out with the au pair. 

After an extensive tour of the grounds the children sat on a newly painted set of iron chairs, Dani and Jamie swiftly followed. Owen had noticed them heading towards the seats and had made a tray of squash and water up to offer out. Him and Hannah came out to the garden to join them. 

“Squash anyone?” Owen asked placing the tray on table in front of everyone reaching out placing glasses in front of the children. The adults nodded and a chorus of yeses lead Owen to put the rest of the glasses on the table, he sat on one of the remaining seats. 

The children started talking about how excited they are having a new au pair, Owen and Hannah joined in and the conversations went on tangent after tangent all four of them deep in thought. Dani kept finding herself watching over towards the gardener, watching her every move, the way her clothes fell on her. She spent the time to look at her features, her perfectly wild hair draping ever so slightly across her face, framing her mesmerising green eyes. They seemed to have every colour intertwined mixing and glistening in the sunlight. Dani didn’t realise that she had become absorbed in the gardeners features she’d lost all sense of time and space. 

Unbeknown to her Jamie was focused on the movements of the au pairs hands, watching her fingers twitch ever so often. Wishing and wanting to intertwine them with her own, noticing the individual freckles along her hands and wrist. Absorbed into the softness of the au pairs hand, trying not to be obvious in watching but wanting to take in every detail of the au pair, slowly and precisely. Jamie caught herself in her own trance, and slowly bringing herself back to reality. The brunette looked around and saw the others immersed in conversation; completely unaware that the two weren’t emotionally with them anymore. Jamie started to join in the conversation to avoid being noticed. 

Dani’s eyes wandered from the gardeners eyes down to her lips, she noticed the gardener amongst the conversation, she took in the movements and details of her lips. Unable to remove herself from the trance she let her eyes wander down to her hands, the gardener was so expressive when she spoke; her whole body moved with her words, her hands and crucial part. Dani watched as her hands told a story, she wasn’t listening to the conversation but listening to her movements. 

The au pair let her eyes drift towards her own lap and nervously twiddle her fingers. “Are you alright, poppins?” Dani heard coming from beside her, she’d tuned back into the world. Dani stuttered and anxiously began to lift her head and partake in the conversation. 

“Oh I’m sorry,” she began, “I got lost in my own world there.” 

Her head turned and her eyes met Jamie’s. Their eyes widening with each moment they sat there connected through a glance. 

“You seemed to be away with yourself there,” the gardener said with a smile, “that’s how I spend most of my time around here, lost in my own thoughts.” 

Dani smirked and looked down, she found herself unable to talk beginning to fall into a swarm of overwhelming memories. 

“I should probably do some work with these plants, that’s why I’m here and all i suppose,” Jamie added as she stood up, she finished her drink, thanked Owen and went off back towards the house. The au pair couldn’t help but follow her with her eyes. 

Dani managed to break herself out of her trance, away from the memories and back into reality. She scooted over a seat, closer to everyone and began to join in the conversation, laughing along with the children. Laughing unknowingly genuinely. In the distance the gardener glanced back towards the group and her eyes fixed on the au pair for a moment, watching her laugh along with everyone without a care, she turned back towards the house and smiled to herself.  _ Yeah  _ she thought to herself, _ this is where I want to be.  _

* * *

Later that evening the au pair found herself wanting to wonder through the grounds alone, her thoughts had began to consume her again, every silent moment forced herself back in that situation, the memories overwhelming her. Dani had just put the kids to bed, the day had been full of new adventures and information, as much as she was happy about her new life starting, she needed to take a moment to breathe and not let herself get lost again. The au pair decided to go for a late night stroll around the grounds, she roughly knew where she was going after her tour this morning. She found a torch in her suitcase and put on her coat, it wasn’t as cold down in Bly as she had expected but she still thought she should take a coat just in case. 

The still sounds of the trees filled Dani’s ears as she slowly walked around the grounds. The soft crunches of the wet leaves below her feet gave the au pair a sense of comfort, the smell of the spring flowers calming her. After walking for a while, she came about a long on the ground beneath a cluster of trees. Some beautiful flowers were blooming around her. She bent down and gently cleared the log of leaves and sat down with a sigh. 

The brunette didn’t know how long she’d been sat there but she felt a sense of peace she’d felt for a while. A tear began to fall from her eye, it rolled down her cheek and splashed on her lap. Soon followed another and then the other eye began to join. She didn’t know why she was crying but she found herself unable to stop. All the thoughts she’d been suppressing had flooded back suddenly and she was caught in a tsunami of memories. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that,” a northern voice spoke, seemingly out of nowhere. 

“I- uh... I wasn’t-“ Dani stumbled over her words as the gardener stepped in front of her and sat on the log adjacent to hers. “I thought you’d gone home?” The gardener smiled to herself, 

“Decided to stay on late today get a few extras done as I started late. I would ask you if you’re alright but I don’t like being lied to, so what’s going on?” She added looking up into the blonde’s eyes, that were shining with the moonlight and her tears.

Dani sniffed and wiped her tears with her coat sleeve and and tried to compose herself. 

“Oh no it’s okay, it’s just-“ she shuffled around a bit, “my past really.” Dani looked up and into Jamie’s eyes and smiled. 

“Go on then, I’m all ears,” Jamie said as she moved next to Dani on her log, only a few inches between them. “I’m here to listen.” 

“It’s nothing really. But, back in America while I was still teaching I had this boyfriend. We’d grown up together, both our parents treated us as their own. I loved him, I did. And I guess we just ended up together, everyone told us we should anyway. Something just wasn’t right but I pushed it down and tried to live my life the way I was expected to. The job, the husband, the family. We got engaged quite young I suppose, but we’d known each other for so long. Everything became about the wedding, every waking moment, every conversation, I hated it. There was always something not right with him...” 

The au pair took a moment to collect her thoughts, she looked to her right and saw the gardener looking towards her with wide eyes, with a look of concentration, as if she was taking every detail in. 

“Like I said, I loved him but I don’t think it was the right kind of love, he’d been my best friend for years and that’s the love I had for him. There was one final night, we went for dinner and all he would talk about was the wedding and I was so tired. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told him in the car at home I said it wasn’t right and I couldn’t marry him. He wanted to take it slow but I couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t right for us, for him, for me...” 

Jamie shuffled on the log and moved slightly closer to Dani and put her hand on her leg for a second before panicking and taking it off again. 

“I told him... I said I couldn’t do it, he didn’t know what to do or say and all I could get out was sorry.” Dani added, starting to cry again. “I uh- he- he was hurt and he didn’t want to be in the car anymore. He stormed out without saying a thing and he-“ the au pair struggled to comprehend the words. Her head fell into her hands as she began to sob. 

The gardener didn’t know what to do or say, she went to speak but was interrupted by Dani lifting her head and continuing, 

“He got out of the car, and as he did he was hit by a car. I didn’t know what to do I just screamed and screamed until I couldn’t hear anything else. The next thing I know I’m in a hospital waiting room, his parents across the room from me. He- he came around eventually and he told me to leave, he tried to yell so I left. I went home and I just sat. I don’t know what happened for the few days after, it’s all a blur,” she wiped the tears from her face and coughed, “I eventually tried to get back to normality. To have a life again, but I couldn’t; not there. I didn’t tell anyone but I left, moved to England, got a shitty job in a shitty cafe waiting for something better and then, I got this job. Honestly it’s been a year now, and all I can think is what if...what if. He only had broken bones but what if it was more... what if he-“ she tried to keep her tears from falling but she couldn’t. She whimpered for a second and tried to compose herself, “what if he had died, that’s all I think about, at night I try and sleep and all I can do is see him over and over and my brain fills in the gaps and it’s death and death night after night. Coming here was meant to let me move on but I can’t. I want to but no matter what I do he’s there.” 

Jamie turned and grabbed Dani and turned her to face the gardener. 

“Poppins, it’s okay, you’re okay. He’s alive and what happened wasn’t your fault. I promise you it’s not your fault. You will be able to let go and move on, I know it” the brunette reassured. 

Wiping away her tears Dani added, “I’ve been keeping it all inside and going insane I just can’t do it anymore.” 

The two sat in silence for what seemed like hours just together, watching the leaves sway in the distance. They would occasionally look towards each other and smile shyly and then look away pretending not to care. They ended up sat pressed against each other, neither wanted to admit to themselves that they had moved closer but neither would move away. Jamie could feel Dani breathing, each movement slow, but comforting, the slight touch warming her heart. Every so often they would tense and manage to get closer, a new sensation would pass through each of them with the new pressure. 

Dani yawned and moved her hand to cover her mouth, “Someone seems tired,” Jamie said breaking the silence, they both laughed. “It is getting late, you should be getting to bed.” Dani nodded and looked down at her watch. 

“Oh my, I had no idea how late it had got. You can stay here if it’s easier, it’s quite late to be driving back now and you’re back in the morning anyway.” Dani added hopefully, she didn’t know what she was feeling but she knew she didn’t want the gardener to leave, not yet. 

“I think I might have to take you up on that offer.” Jamie responded, standing up and reaching a hand out to help the au pair up. The offer was accepted and the blonde took her hand and stood up, their hands lingering as they slowly pulled their hands apart. 

They walked up to the manor in silence, and when they returned they went to the kitchen to make a hot chocolate to warm them up. 

“I’ll go and get a blanket, I know where the spares are kept, this isn’t the first time I’ve overstayed my welcome.” 

Before Dani had a chance to respond Jamie had left the room. Dani finished making the drinks and took them into the living room where Jamie was sat with a couple of blankets, she had put the fire on. 

Dani walked towards Jamie and sat next to her and extended her arm and passed the drink to her. “Ta.” 

The two sat drinking their drinks as Jamie told stories of the kids and the two laughed together, everything felt right in that moment. The conversation lulled and the stories stopped, the two finished their drinks in silence,  _why has she stayed before,_ _was it Owen?_ Dani thought to herself, _ did she stay with him before...  _

Dani felt oddly saddened by the thought of the two of them alone together, she didn’t know why she barely knew her, and she knew Owen was charming and quite handsome objectively. She finished the last of her drink and took a deep breath, 

“I suppose I should get off to bed, I think the spare room has a sheet on the bed, much comfier than in here.” Jamie shifted, 

“Oh no, I’m fine down here don’t worry about me, the kids don’t like finding people in there without warning, I wouldn’t want to upset them.” 

Dani stood up and smiled down at the gardener, “I guess this is goodnight then,” Dani said as she began to walk towards the door. 

“Goodnight, my love.”Jamie added before stretching out and covering herself with the blanket, before she knew it the gardener was asleep. 


	3. Becoming Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The children begin to trust the new au pair and she really starts to settle in

Jamie found herself waking up with a pain in her neck, she rubbed it for a second and then sat up and put her legs in the ground and placed her feet in her shoes. She sighed to herself, ran her fingers through her hair and sat for a moment before holding the blanket up. She didn’t want the kids to see her sleeping on the sofa, they were good kids but after the last time when she woke up with a fake moustache drawn on she didn’t want to risk that again. 

The gardener tied her boots up, picked the blanket up and headed towards the stairs to return the blanket. As she walked she started the stare at the patterns of the blanket, following the lines and looking at the creases. The next thing she knew her body collided with something and she panicked and dropped the blanket. Her eyes drifted upwards and found the gaze of the au pair waiting for her, they were stood inches apart, Jamie could feel the au pairs gaze. “I’m so sorry, I was in my own world,” the gardener stepped back and leant down to pick the blanket up, “didn’t see you there poppins.”

“Sleep okay?” the au pair asked without looking away from the gardeners glistening green eyes. 

“I uh- yeah, yeah it was okay thanks.” Jamie stumbled over her words, caught in the gaze of the au pair, her thoughts all over the place lost in the sea of the au pairs blue eyes. “Just putting this away before I go tend to those plants out there, they’re not good look after themselves are they now?” She rhetorically added as she stepped past the blonde and walked up the stairs. 

* * *

The gardener spent so much time on these flowers, they were her pride and joy, they gave life to the manor in a way only she could’ve created. Every day she would tend to flowers, plants and trees, both at Bly and at home. Plants were the only thing worth the effort in Jamie’s eyes. 

The sun was beginning to set and Owen had shouted that dinner would be ready in a bit but she just wanted to spend all of her time surrounded by plants. She went to take her tools back to the greenhouse and just outside the front door to the manor behind a pillar was a crying Dani. 

“You alright?” the gardener asked wondering towards the woman. Dani panicked wiped her tears. “Kids, run you ragged.” the gardener added. 

All Dani could muster in response was a muffled “Yeah.” 

The gardener placed her tools on the ground, “Well, people really. All of them, that’s why I prefer plants. Easy to get along with. And I found if I don’t like one, if one looks at me kind of funny, can always just, you know...” The gardener added, miming cutting her neck. “So if it’s child rearing advice you’re after, just start there maybe.” Dani couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “There we are, it’s not so bad right?”

“Yeah,” the au pair managed to say between breaths. 

“I cry maybe three, four times a day round here. Five if I’m really being honest with myself. How else do you think I keep all these fucking plants watered? With my endless well of deep inconsolable tears, that’s how.” Dani laughed and looked round towards the gardener, “That’s what got me the job in the first place. Look you’re doing great.” The gardener paused and the au pair wiped her tears away, “You’re doing great.” She continued. 

The au pair smiled and replied, “thank you.”

“Anytime.” The gardener bent down to pick up her tools, “Right. Well back to it then. Chin up poppins.” Jamie walked away towards the house and Dani’s eyes followed her until the gardener was no longer in her sight. She stood up straight, wiped her face again and then walked back into the manor. 

* * *

Dani rounded up the children for dinner and got them washing their hands before sitting down, Flora insisted on sitting next to Dani again and Miles sat opposite. Owen brought the plates to the table and placed one in front of Flora and one in front of Miles, as he did Hannah walked in and sat next to Miles. 

“Bangers and mash? Oh Owen I love you.” She said as she poured herself a glass of water from the jug in the centre of the table. 

“Oh Hannah, you’re too kind.” Owen replied, both of them laughing. Dani looked at the kids and they all started to giggle between themselves. “What??” Owen asked. The three kept giggling between themselves. 

“Oh it’s nothing Owen.” Little Flora replied in between giggles. All five of them started laughing and then the gardener walked into the room. 

“Woah, woah, woah! What’s going on here??” She asked walking towards the table and tickling Flora from behind, “having fun without me, are we?” She stopped tickling Flora and went over to the sink to wash her hands. 

Owen had finished putting the plates out on the table and he and Jamie sat down together and they all started eating. After some polite dinner conversation while they ate, they all finished their meals. Dani instructed the children to help washing up, and said she would play with them for a bit longer before they had to go to bed. 

The kids and Dani all got up and took plates over to the sink and started to wash up, Flora moved a small step in front of the sink and began to wash. Hannah shook her head, 

“This doesn’t feel right,” she admitted, quietly so that just Jamie and Owen heard her. 

“You can’t give them a pass forever Hannah,” the gardener paused, “look you clean up after them, Owen feeds them and Rebecca,” she took a deep breath in, “Rebecca coddled ‘em. But this one, this ones got them doing hard labour.”

“Oh come on now.” Hannah retorted. 

“What?” The gardener laughed, “that shite works. Well it worked on me, look at me now, I’m a shining beacon of reform” she said pulling in her dungarees and laughing. 

“Come on now ladies, now is not the time to debate the ethics of a woman who is right there.” Owen whispered. Jamie cringed,  ladies she thought to herself.  Ladies. Ladies. Over and over she repeated the word in her head. It felt wrong, it felt dirty. 

Owen noticed the discomfort in Jamie’s eyes, “anyone for a cup of tea?” Jamie shook her head. 

“Thanks for the offer but I think it’s best I get back home. Oh. Dani?” She asked in a raised voice allowing the au pair to hear too, “just so you all know I’ll be in a little late tomorrow if that’s okay? Got a few errands to run in the morning.” 

“Oh that’s okay, take all the time you need, I’ll have a cuppa, thanks Owen.” Hannah responded. Owen nodded almost like he was bowing and stood up and walked towards the kettle. Jamie stood up and left the room, Hannah was unbothered, she was used to the gardener leaving or entering without a word, it had become the norm in the house. 

“There we go. All done, perfectly splendid,” Flora said stepping down. “Can we play now?” She asked, placing her arms behind her and gently swaying, trying to look as sweet as possible. 

“Oh alright then. How about hide and seek? I’ll count and you guys hide! Thirty seconds... go!” The two children rushed out of the room and the adults all laughed. “I’ll tire them out with a round or two then get them to bed out of your hair don’t worry.” 

The two adults laughed, “Oh don’t worry,” Hannah said, “they’re harmless really. They’ve really taken to you. It’s so nice.” 

“Shes right, they adore you already. We thought they’d never like anyone after Rebecca left.” Dani looked at Owen with confusion in her eyes, “Oh Rebecca was the last au pair. She ran away with the handyman, America we think. Left and didn’t say a word. The kids were heartbroken, they adored Rebecca. Poor things.” Owen added finishing making two mugs of tea. He walked over and set them on the table. 

“I should probably go and find them,” the au pair said standing up and leaving the room. Owen took a seat at the end of the table and pushed the mug towards Hannah. 

“You know, I really do love it here,” Hannah said picking up the mug, “you feel like family,” she paused to blow in her drink. “You, the kids, Jamie and even Dani, a little strange Bly family.” They both laughed and Hannah shyly looked down at her mug. 

“It does doesn’t it, as strange as it is.” Owen started to drink his tea, it was still hot but he liked to drink it hot. 

“You and your lack of heat receptors has always concerned me,” Hannah laughed, Owen tried to defend himself but didn’t bother and just laughed. The two sat talking about nothing and everything for a while before Owen noticed the time. 

“Blimey, it’s late!” Hannah turned to look at the clock, “I best be off. Got to get a good nights sleep before I come back. Make sure Mum’s okay too.” He said standing up, he went to take Hannah’s now empty mug but she stopped him. 

“Oh don’t worry about that, love. I’ll sort these you head on home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that he left the kitchen grabbed his coat and keys and was off. 

* * *

The children were sat on the edge of Flora’s bed, Dani was looking through the books on the shelf. “How about a quick story before you two sleep?” 

“Oh yes please!” Miles chirped, he was last to be found during hide and seek and was very proud of himself. 

“Flora how about you choose one?” Dani asked turning back to look at the children, before she had finished her sentence Florahad already stood up and started to walk towards Dani, she looked for a second and picked a book out. 

“This one!” she grinned, passing the book to Dani and going back to her bed, she sat further up to allow Dani to have space to sit in between the children. 

Dani read the short story to the children, the children felt like they were in the book by the way Dani read, she made them feel part of the story. Both children were smiley by the end and thanked Dani. Miles stood up,

“It’s late Miss Clayton, I think it’s time to sleep.” Dani stood up and nodded. 

“That’s just what I was going to say, today has been lovely. I hope you two sleep well.” Floras tucked herself into bed and Miles walked through to his bedroom, he tucked himself into bed and Dani closed the door to his room with a goodnight. Dani walked through and closed the door to Flora’s room and the bathroom and walked towards the main door. 

“Goodnight Flora” she said as she closed the door. She was exhausted, she hadn’t worked like this for such a long time she had forgot how tiring it was. She headed straight to her room put her pyjamas on and almost as soon as she hit the pillow with her head she was asleep. 


	4. A Friendly Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The au pair, cook and house keeper decided to play a game with the kids...

_Ladies. Ladies. Ladies_. 

The word was playing on Jamie’s head. It felt wrong, it felt dirty. Jamie knew she didn’t have anything to do this morning, she just needed some time to herself to think. To understand. 

* * *

Back at the manor, the kids were outside playing. Dani had found a rounders bat and ball, they’d placed some cones on the floor that Miles found. Dani had roped Hannah and Owen into playing too. They pretended not to want to play, but inside they were excited to get to act like children again. 

“Teams!” Dani shouted, getting everyone’s attention. “Miles and Flora, you can have a team each, and be team captain.”

“Yes,” they both excitedly chirped. 

“Can I go first please, Miss Clayton?” Flora asked, batting her eyelids, in an attempt to look sweeter. 

“Is that okay Miles?” the au pair asked?

“Oh why not.” He responded, despite being older, he loved and adored Flora and wanted her happiness over everything. 

“Perfect. Miss Clayton you’ll be on my team then.” She said ushering Dani to her side, the au pair stood to her left and waited. 

Just as Miles went to speak, a car started pulling down the road and towards the manor.  _ Jamie _ the au pair thought, or more, she hoped. Everyone turned to look towards the car. 

Owen broke the silence, “if I’m not wrong, that looks like our Jamie.” The children had an excited grin on their faces. 

Miles looked towards Dani, “Can we ask her to play?”

“I don’t see why not,” Dani replied, before she had even finished the two children were running towards the manor, trying to get to the house before Jamie disappeared into the greenhouse. They reached the house just as Jamie was getting something out of the car. 

“Jamie, Jamie!” The children ran towards the house shouting the gardeners name. 

The gardener looked up startled, “you ought to be careful you horrible little things you’ll give someone a heart attack.” The two children stepped towards the gardener. 

“Jamie, would you like to play rounders with us?” Flora began.

“We need one more person to make the teams equal,” Miles cleverly added. Flora looked at Miles and smiled. The gardener looked past the children to see the adults chatting, her eyes focused on the au pair, who had tied her hair back, assumably for playing. 

“I really should be getting on with the garden...” Jamie responded after some thought. 

“Please Jamie, the plants can wait” Flora begged, trying to look as cute as possible. 

“Oh go on then, I suppose they can. And I can’t be the reason the teams aren’t equal. Let me just take my stuff inside and I’ll join you.” Jamie closed the car door and took her bag inside. 

The kids ran back to the adults excited to play. They waited for Jamie to come back before choosing the rest of the teams. 

“Now I best warn you all, I have been known to be quite completive in the past,” Hannah told the children, they began to laugh. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear,” Miles said, clearly forming a plan. 

Jamie joined Owen and Hannah and waited for further instruction. 

“Hannah, you’re on my team” Miles said, Hannah stepped forward and high fived Miles as she stood to his right. 

“Owen I want you on our team,” Flora said. Owen smiled and poked his tongue out at Hannah and then Miles to make himself seem less competitive. 

“Guess that means I’m with you lot then?” Jamie sarcastically added as she wondered towards Miles and Hannah smiling. The two teams separated from each other and stood talking. 

After a few minutes Dani turned to the other group and asked, “who’s batting first then? Flora has explained the rules to me and I think I know what’s going on.”

“How about we bat first so you can get an idea on how that works?” Hannah responded, smirking. Everyone looked at each other and made a few comments. 

“That would be perfectly splendid,” Flora chirped, “Owen you bowl, Miss Clayton you stand over there and I’ll be over here.” Flora pointed to the space just between the second and third posts and she stood between the third and fourth. 

Miles was up first, a chorus of adults cheering him on began as he walked up and grabbed the bat. He took position,

“Ready?” Owen asked, Miles nodded and Owen threw ball, Miles hit it and it went towards Flora. He dropped the bat and started running towards the first post. Flora had reached the ball and looked for Dani, Miles now running from the second to third post. Dani ran to stand next to the fourth post as Flora threw her the ball. 

“Hold the post Miss Clayton!” Flora shouted, Dani caught the ball and grabbed the post. Miles had decided not to risk running to the fourth post and stopped. “Can we swap, Owen?” 

“Of course, my dear,” He said walking towards the posts. Dani handed Flora the ball as she took position in the centre. Hannah walked up to the post and picked the bat up. 

“Don’t go easy on me now,” she said looking at the adults, they were all tense with excitement. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Owen said laughing, changing position to a fighting stance. They all laughed. 

“Are you ready?” Flora asked. Hannah nodded and raised the bat. She threw the ball and Hannah swung and hit it, past where Dani was by quite a way, she immediately threw the bat down and started running. Miles began to run and made it to the fourth post in no time. Dani ran as fast as she could to get the ball. Hannah passing the second post as she got the ball, Dani threw the ball to Owen but he missed the catch. Hannah ran towards the third post, saw the ball on the floor and kept running. Owen stumbled for the ball and tried to make it to the fourth post in time but just missed it, Hannah had run past already. She high fived Jamie and Miles as she got back to them, slightly out of breath. 

“Now that’s,” she paused to catch her breath, “how you play rounders.” Everyone laughed and Jamie stepped up to the start, she picked up the bat, as she did Flora turned around. 

“Your turn Miss Clayton!” she said, wondering back towards Owen. Owen tossed the ball to Dani as she walked past and took position. The sun was on Jamie, all her features were glowing in the light, her hair shinning, her eyes glistening, her smile wide and bright as she laughed at something Hannah said in the distance. 

Jamie looked up to see Dani in front of her, the light behind her making her look like an apparition, her golden hair shinning at the edges, she could see the au pair laughing at something and she was mesmerised by the woman’s smile. 

“Come on then, what are we waiting for?” Jamie said eagerly. Dani took position and smiled. 

“Ready?” She asked. 

“Always, poppins.” 

Dani threw the ball and Jamie hit it back towards Hannah and Miles, Flora wasn’t expecting that and it gave Jamie an advantage. She ran from post to post and Flora had the ball, Dani ran to the fourth post to catch the ball from Flora. Jamie was at the third post and risked running to the last. Flora threw the ball and Dani caught it, she turned to touch the post and she collided with Jamie. Jamie was running at such a speed that it was almost as if she had tackled her, the two fell to the floor in a heap, tangled to each other. Their faces inches apart as Jamie looked down at the au pair. 

“Blimey,” she whispered. “Sorry about that my love,” the gardener added smiling down at the au pair. The au pair lifted her head towards the gardeners, she wanted nothing but to be close to her. Jamie got to her knees and got herself stood. She reached a hand down and offered it to Dani, she took the offer and stood, Jamie pulled the au pair up so quickly that they ended up pressed together. “Careful poppins, someone’s going to get the wrong idea soon,” Jamie added nodding towards Owen. Their hands lingered for a moment and then the au pair let go. 

“So that’s two and a half points for us then.” Hannah said, Flora, Owen and Dani all were contesting. “Now come on, Jamie reached the final post and Dani never actually touched it.” She said. The three other teammates eventually agreed. 

The teams swapped and they began to play, they played five rounds in total and by then everyone was exhausted, especially the adults. 

“I think it’s time for lunch,” Owen announced, “and some water if I do say so myself.” Everyone around agreed. 

“You all go in I’ll clear up here,” Dani said. Everyone headed towards the house but Jamie stepped back. 

“Good game,” she said, alerting Dani to the fact that she hadn’t gone in with the others. “You’re pretty good at what, everything it seems?” Dani laughed. 

“No I think you’ll find there’s a lot I can’t do. But you on the other hand, are incredible.” She responded. 

Dani had finished picking everything up and she stood opposite the gardener. 

“Now now, Miss Clayton, that almost seems like a compliment.” Jamie said, stepping towards the au pair, “can’t be having any of that niceness around here can we? Come on give me some of that I’ll help you take it back.”


	5. a Weight Lifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important conversations between the gardener and the au pair sparks feelings between them both

It had been a long day for Dani, she’d been up since sunrise, trying to tidy and potter to take her mind off her thoughts. After the game of rounders they all had lunch and the kids helped Jamie with a bit of gardening. Dani spent her time thinking about her ex and how everything was beginning to make sense. 

On the other hand, Jamie didn’t want the day to end. She had spent so much time stuck alone most of her life and now here, she had a place to be. The kids wanted her around, they wanted to play games with her, garden with her. She felt like she found her place. Hannah, Owen and even Dani treated her like family, better family than her own ever had. 

* * *

“Kids in bed?” Jamie asked as Dani entered the kitchen. 

“Oh uh- yeah yeah they were pretty tired today.” Dani said looking quite lost. She sat down on the table opposite Jamie, Owen and Hannah were sat at the table too, deep in conversation. Dani sat for a bit, in her own world, she got up to poor herself a glass of water and just stood by the sink for a minute. 

Jamie noticed something was off and went over to the au pair. 

“How’s about a walk? Get some fresh air and just clear your mind?” Jamie asked. 

“I would- but the kids...” Dani replied. She wanted to spend time with Jamie but she was just so lost in herself. 

“Don’t worry about them, we’ve got that covered haven’t we, Hannah?” Owen said taking a biscuit. Hannah nodded. 

“Come on then, poppins” Jamie said reaching for Dani’s hand and pulling her along. They walked into the corridor and picked up their coats and headed out the door. 

The two walked along into the deepths of the trees, they came to a spot with a fence and some flowers growing on it. there were two logs adjacent to each other. Jamie sat on the one and Dani sat on the right, they sat in silence for a minute. 

“So uh-“ Jamie began, “there’s not many secret spots, even on grounds this big. But this one,” she paused and pointed her torch to the flowers on the fence. “Special.”

“Wow, that’s beautiful. You planted that?” She asked inquisitively. 

“Yeah,” the gardener said, “it’s a moonflower. Bloody hard to grow in England.”

“Yeah but,” Dani paused getting up to look at the flower up close, “worth it.” 

“Is it?” Jamie asked from behind. 

“Isn’t it?” Dani turned to look at the gardener that was fiddling with something on the floor. 

“This plant only blooms two months a year. And only at night, each bud, only once. These flowers will be dead by morning, and tomorrow night new buds will bloom, and then they’ll die. In three weeks this entire plant will be dead. And in the spring, I’ll have to plant a whole new moonflower.”

“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.” Dani said, turning back around to inspect the flower. 

“That’s what people feel like to me. exhaustive effort. Very little to show for it.” The gardener responded, Dani turned back around to look her the woman. 

“All of them?” She added. 

“All of them. Even you. Even me. Especially me. So. I figured I’d save you some effort.” The gardener nodded at Dani to sit back down on the log beside her, the au pair accepted this look and sat down beside the brunette. “Skip to the end, take a shot. Why not? So here goes okay?”

Dani knew the gardener was about to open up to her, let her see her entire world, something she hides away to herself, a shield she usually has that had just been taken down to let Dani in. “Mmhm.” Dani let the gardener know she was listening and looked towards her. 

The gardener nodded her head and looked away from the au pair, she took a deep breath, “okay.”

“Mum was Louise, Dad was Dennis.” the gardener began, “Dennis met Louise when she was 18, he was 24. Total surprise, a year later, my brother Denny. and me, less of a surprise, I guess. Dad starts working in a coal mine. It's, uh, more money. Slightly more, but he's barely home now and Louise, well... Louise is home with the kids, but she's basically a kid herself. A kid with two kids, and a husband 600 meters down. So, she does what kids do. She plays.” She paused and looked up at Dani for a brief second, their eyes met. She looked back down to her hands and continued. “So dad's underground, and Mum's under some bloke, and... the thing about a coal mine, well the thing I think about most now I'm older...” she paused and looked at the au pair again, “no plants down there. No life at all. see, these men... we send them down into this dark mess, digging for something dead. So... dead that it's now lumps of dead things, so old and lifeless that they will literally burn, and that was his life. While she did whatever she could to feel alive. All that death, that dark, powdery death is all over his face, his hands, his fucking lungs when he comes up. There's not a leaf, not a branch, not a flower in his world, and when he finally climbs out of that grave, finally climbs back to the land of the living... they laugh at him. They laugh because the whole town knows that the new baby, my little brother Mikey, isn't his. So Dennis buries his head in the soot, and they... praise him for his loyalty, while they mock him for a cuckhold. Louise, on the other hand, call a spade a spade, and they call my mum a whore. Call the daughter one, too, bully her at school, on the streets. Even makes its way home. Little Denny piles on, tries to save his own skin by blaming all the females in the family, and in '67, Louise bolts. She splits, and I come home from school to find Mikey... alone... screaming his little head off. He's still a baby, and he doesn't understand what he's done wrong. I try and take care of him. But i'm just a kid. Kids can't raise kids. I forget things.” Tears began to well in the gardeners eyes. “Like watching over a pot when it boils. So one day there's an accident. Social services gets involved, and we're split up. Dad did his best. He spent so long underground, didn't know what to do with a kid, let alone three kids. So, he disappeared into the dirt. Then it was foster care. Just a bunch of stale, perverted men with bitter wives hoping to make a few quids by taking care of the local trash. I left for london pretty soon after that. Got myself into all sorts of trouble there. Wound up serving a couple of years. And it's there I start gardening. busy work for idle hands. But I fucking love it. Love it. And it's so clear then... how people aren't worth it. But plants... you pour your love, and your effort, and your nourishment into them, and you see where it goes. You watch them grow, and it all makes sense.” Jamie rubbed her hands on her legs and stood up and walked towards the moonflower. “So, yeah. everyone is exhaustive. Even the best ones. But sometimes, once in a blue goddamned moon, I guess, someone... like this moonflower, just might be worth the effort.” Jamie turned back to face Dani, who had been watching the gardener this whole time, watching with all her care. 

“Look, I know you're struggling. I see it. I know you're carrying this guilt around, but I also know that you don't decide who lives and who doesn't. I'm sorry, Dani, but you don't.” Dani looked down, the first time she had since Jamie had started talking. She looked back towards the gardener, “Humans are organic. It's a fact. We're meant to die. It's natural, beautiful. And it all breaks down and rises back up, and breaks down again, and every living thing grows out of every dying thing. We leave more life behind us to take our place. That life refreshes and recycles, and on and on it goes. And that is so much better than that life getting crushed, deep down in the dirt, into a rock that will burn if it's old enough. So much better to see the leafling, and flower.” Dani stood up and walked towards the gardener. “We leave more life behind to take our place.” The gardener turned to look at Dani, “Like this moonflower. It's where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing.” 

Jamie turned to look at Dani, their eyes met and they stood staring. “You have a way with words,” she said, breaking the silence. The gardener smiled. 

“It’s late. I should head home.” She responded, refusing to acknowledge the compliment. 

“Are you sure you want to drive all the way home now? You know you’re welcome to stay here,” Dani said, she lingered on her thoughts and then added, “you don’t have to sleep on the sofa you know, there’s plenty of space in my bed.” Dani instantly regretted saying it, but she hoped the gardener would accept her offer, a chance to be close to her in a different kind of way but at the same time not seem like anything at all to the gardener. 

“Maybe that’s best. Ive got some spare clothes in my car anyway.” Jamie said, she had hoped the offer would arise as it was so late, but didn’t want to force it. She didn’t know what she felt. But she knew that she didn’t want to leave. 

“Come on then, let’s get back where it’s warm.” Dani said, they both walked back towards the manor again, not mentioning Jamie’s story, Dani didn’t want to upset her in any way seeing as she wasn’t an open person and she was lucky to have heard so much about the gardener. 

Once they reached the house they went straight upstairs, and into Dani’s room, they didn’t want Owen or Hannah to get any ideas. 

Dani found some pyjamas and offered them to Jamie, they both got ready for bed and got into the bed. 

“You wanna know something?” the gardener asked. 

“Hmm? What’s that?” The au pair sleepily responded. 

“There’s something about you, that makes me want to make that exhaustive effort. That makes me want to open up to you.”

Dani was flattered by this, from the conversation they had earlier she knew this was something big and not something that she had said to anyone often, or at all. 

“There’s something else,” the gardener added, “there’s been something off with me for a while. In my mind. I can’t get my head around it all but I know somethings not right.”

Dani looked towards the gardener with deep concern in her eyes, “do you know what it is?” 

The gardener swallowed, took a deep breath and sat up slightly, “I do yeah, but it’s not something I’ve ever told anyone, or even said out loud before.” 

Dani waited for a second and said, “if you’re ready to say it, I’m listening. And if you’re not, then I’ll be here when you are.” She smiled at the gardener and moved closer to her, put her arm around her and added, “sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved.”

The gardener buried her head in the au pairs neck and snuggled into her slightly, she wasn’t a very touchy-feely person but that felt right and in that moment that is what she needed. 

“I know there’s certain things, certain words, that make me uncomfortable, they make me cringe inside. I get caught on them, they echo in my brain over and over until it’s all I can hear. I feel like I’m drowning in them sometimes, the discomfort floods me and I just feel so strange and-“ she paused, closed her eyes and added, “and broken.” The gardener began to play with her nails as a coping mechanism, it gave her a strange sense of comfort. She sat up slightly and looked at the au pair, who’s arm was still around her. “I’m not who you think I am. I’m a broken version of myself and I’m trying to glue the pieces back together. And I know what I need to do I just need to say this out loud for the first time and it’ll get easier from there.”

The gardener sat for a moment, not sure how to continue, so instead, the au pair spoke, “we’ve got all the time in the world, you say it however you need to.” The gardener smiled and looked down. 

“I’m not-“ the gardener paused, the words eager to escape but were trapped by a layer of anxiety. “I not a woman, not completely anyway.” The gardener breathed a sigh of relief. There was a look in Dani’s eyes, she wanted to speak but she knew she needed to wait for the gardener to finish at her own pace. “I don’t know how much you know about gender and sex and all of that. But, I don’t feel like I’m a woman. Being called a woman, or a lady just sticks in my head and plays over and over and just pains me inside.” The gardener paused to collect her thoughts, “I just know i’m not fully there. And I know this is a lot to take in and for all I know you’re disgusted by me now and just want-“ The gardener was interrupted by Dani. 

“I am not disgusted by you at all, I’ll admit I don’t know too much about it all but I know that gender isn’t just binary and I know there’s a middle ground. And that’s perfectly okay, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Jamie smiled, a weight had been lifted from her mind. 

“Thanks, it’s a scary thing letting yourself be vulnerable and telling someone such an intimate thing about yourself. But I just can’t keep anything inside when you’re around. The two laughed, “it would be nice for now if you could try and use they/them and she/her pronouns for me. I know it’s not easy and if you’re not comfortable that’s totally okay.”

The au pair interjected, “Of course that’s okay, it might take a bit if getting used to but whatever makes you comfortable. This isn’t about me, it’s about you so please don’t care about how I feel because that’s not relevant. This is about you.” Jamie sighed with relief and took a moment. 

“Thank you. I would appreciate it if you could avoid gendered terms for a while just to see if that’s something that makes me feel more comfortable.” Dani nodded. 

“Of course. Are you thinking of telling anyone else? I don’t want to create an awkward situation around anyone by saying something in front of someone and putting you in a bad position.”

The gardener took a moment to think, “I want to. But I don’t know how. Owen and Hannah will probably be fine it’s just whether the kids understand.”

“If you’d like, we can talk to them together, or I can talk to them if you’d prefer. Whatever you need.” She squeezed Jamie and pulled them closer. 

“I think if you’re there just in case, that would be nice. I’d like to talk to them tomorrow but I’ll tell Hannah and Owen first.” Jamie put their hand on Dani over the covers and applied some pressure, “thank you for this.”

“Anytime.” Dani lowered herself in the bed and Jamie followed, her arm stayed around Jamie as they moved and she left it there. Jamie embraced this opportunity and snuggled into the au pair and they placed their arm across Dani. “Goodnight,” Dani whispered, planting a subtle kiss on the gardeners head. 

“Goodnight.” They both felt liberated and light and it wasn’t long before they were both asleep.


	6. A Beautiful Star

They were still intertwined with each other when the au pair woke, she breathed a deep breath and closed her eyes to embrace the moment. The gardener looked so peaceful, they had a few strands of curly fringe dangling in front of her eyes. The au pair lifted the strands and tucked them behind the gardeners ear, her hand lingered as she did. 

“Good morning to you too,” the gardener said opening their eyes and looking towards the au pair. They both laughed and Dani removed her hand. 

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” she asked. The gardener sat up slightly and the two separated their limbs, but stayed close enough together to still be leaning on each other. 

“No, don’t worry my dear I woke up a few minutes ago but was just lying there. I don’t like getting up straight away. 

“Who does?” the au pair sarcastically responded. 

* * *

Everyone was sat around the dining table having breakfast when the gardener and au pair shared a look, Dani looked towards the kids and the nodded towards the garden,  _ shall I take them away so you can talk to Hannah and Owen together? _ The au pair thought with her movements, hoping it was enough for the gardener to under. The gardener smiled and nodded back slightly. 

“Come on then, who wants to go and play hide and seek outside?” the au pair asked the children. 

“Me please!!” They both shouted. They stood up straight away eagerly waiting to go outside. 

“Take your plates into the kitchen for Owen then and then get dressed and meet me at the front door, you have three minutes... Go!” The children rushed off without a moments of hesitation, taking their plates with them. “Walk don’t run!” Dani shouted to them and the children slowed down as they left the room. “Let me take these out for you,” Dani said stacking the remaining plates and smiling at Jamie, before she left the room. 

“I don’t know how she has the energy to deal with those two,” Owen said laughing, he took a sip of his water and the others laughed. 

“She’s got a talent,” Hannah responded. “At least she’ll tire them out again if they’re running around, she knows what she’s doing!” 

“She certainly does,” Jamie said with a soft smile. “She’s actually taking them outside for me, I wanted to talk to you both. Didn’t want the kids to overhear.”

Owen and Hannah looked towards Jamie with confusion and then each other. 

“Is everything okay?” Hannah asked. 

“Yeah everything’s fine, just bit complicated really.” They said while readjusting, they lifted their glass and finished their drink. She looked nervous waiting for the kids to leave. “I’m just going to get some more water. Do either of you want any? I can fill the jug back up.”

“Oh yes please,” Hannah said, “I don’t know what it is but I’ve been oh so thirsty recently.”

“Alright,” Jamie said leaning towards the jug and then heading out of the room. As she did Dani was stood by the front door, she stepped towards the gardener as they walked through the corridor, Dani smiled and Jamie slowed down in front of her. 

“You’ve got this,” Dani whispered placing a hand on the gardeners shoulder, Jamie responded with a smile and headed towards the kitchen. They heard the footsteps of two excited children launching down the stairs. 

“Come on then outside.” Dani said leading them through the front door, Jamie finished filling up the water and saw the door had been closed. They took a deep breath in and began walking back into the dining room. She poured herself and Hannah a glass of water and pointed the jug towards Owen, which he responded to by lifting his glass towards Jamie, they filled it up, placed the jug down and then sat back down. 

“I’ve got no idea how to start this so I’m just gonna come out with it.” Jamie said, the two looked towards the gardener with wide concerned eyes. “I mean first of all I’m all good, I’m not dying or owt so get that scared look off your faces.” The three laughed and Jamie felt the tension ease slightly. They took a deep breath and continued, “okay. So, uh. I was born female, right, but I don’t really feel all that.... feminine I suppose? Not feminine but I just don’t feel female. Not completely.I haven’t for a long time,” they paused for a moment, “I know this probably a lot to take in but... I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m nonbinary?” Jamie stopped talking for a second to take in what had just happened,  _ I said it. I actually said the word out loud. I did it. _ Jamie thought. 

Hannah broke the silence, “thank you for telling us and trusting us with that.”

“Do you feel better having told someone?” Owen asked, not sure the right thing to say. 

“I told Dani last night and I want to tell everyone but telling the kids is going to be scary I don’t know what they know and what they’ll understand. I’ve never said that word out loud before and it feels so much better.” They responded. 

“I’m glad,” Owen said smiling. 

“Me too,” Hannah added, “I’m not going to lie and say I know what I should and shouldn’t say. This is new to me and I’m sorry about that. Is there anything we can do to make you feel more comfortable?” Hannah interrupted before Jamie could answer, “What pronouns would you like us to use?” 

Jamie laughed slightly at Hannah’s attempt to make sure she said everything right. “It’s okay, it’s new to me too. It’s gonna take time. Uh,” they paused, scared to say it again, “she/they for now please. If that’s okay? And if you could avoiding referring to me by gendered terms that would be ace.” Jamie sighed a sigh of relief and took a sip of water. 

“Of course that’s okay, it’s not for us to say what you can and can’t do. Of course we’ll use them for you.” Owen responded smiling at Jamie, trying to make eye contact but Jamie was purposely avoiding looking at either of them. 

“Can I ask a stupid question?” Hannah said looking at Jamie, they were drinking and nodded towards Hannah as if saying _go ahead_.  “When do we use which pronoun?” 

Jamie smiled and put the glass down.  Jamie hadn’t really thought about that that much so didn’t really have the best answer as they were still figuring it out themselves, “that’s not stupid, just whenever really just go between the both of them really swap and use them whenever.” Owen and Hannah both smiled at the gardener. “Thanks guys,” they said standing up, “best get some actual work done today.” They tucked their chair in and headed out. 

Hannah and Owen stayed for a minute in silence, neither wanted to leave but neither wanted to break the silence. 

“Want any help washing up?” Hannah asked. 

“It’s alright love, you take some time to yourself for a bit. Feel free to join me though.” Owen responded placing his hand on Hannah’s and applying slight pressure. He lifted it, smiled and took his glass and went to the kitchen. 

* * *

Jamie walked out of the manor and onto the grounds and saw Dani crouched behind a bush. The gardener looked around and didn’t see the children so went towards the bush. Dani didn’t see them so they decided to jump on her. Jamie put one hand around Dani’s mouth to stop her screaming and the other around her waist. Dani screamed and fell back, pulling the gardener down with her. They two collided and ended up in a heap together. They began laughing together and they could feel each other move with each breath. 

“What was that for?” Dani whispered. 

“What wasn’t it for?” the gardener responded. 

“Found you!” Miles shouted. “Silly Jamie.”

Jamie stood up and reached a hand down for Dani to be able to stand up. 

“Sorry Dani...” Jamie sheepishly said. 

“I guess that means you win then, Miles.” Dani said with a smile. 

“How about you two go inside and wash your hands and meet us in the living room and I’ll make us hot chocolates to make up for it?” Jamie asked. 

“Oh yes please!” Flora said excitedly.

“I’ve got something to talk to you both about too if that’s okay, some grown up stuff but you’re both big enough for that aren’t you?” They added. 

“Of course we are!” Miles proudly responded. “Come on Flora let’s go and clean up!” Flora took Miles’ hand and they skipped back to the house together. 

“Sorry poppins, couldn’t resist.”

“It’s alright. I’ll let you off this time. How did Hannah and Owen take it?”

“Alright. Yeah. They didn’t know quite what to say but that’s okay they were good and kind.” Jamie started to walk towards the house and Dani followed. “This will be the hard bit.”

As they walked into the house Miles and Flora were walking to the living room, 

“Oh Jamie! Owen saw us coming and put the kettle on he’ll bring the drinks to us!”

“Perfect!” Jamie replied to Flora, they all headed into the living room together, Jamie sat down and Dani beside them. Flora and Miles sat on the adjacent sofa. Owen bought the drinks in a few minutes later and said him and Hannah were in the kitchen sorting lunch. 

“Now are you both ready?” Jamie asked. The children nodded. “Good okay. What do you know about gender?” Jamie asked. 

“Well,” Flora said, “I know that there are boys and girls. I’m a girl and Miles is a boy.” 

“That’s right,” Jamie said with a smile. “And did you know there’s more than that?” The children shook their heads. “Well there is. Boys and girls are called the ‘binary’ genders. And there’s a whole load more that are outside of that, which are called nonbinary. That’s one big word for it and it includes lots of different things and lots of different genders or sometimes no gender at all.” The children nodded. “They’re different for every person, you see, like stars in the sky. Every star out there is slightly different but they’re all in the same universe. They’re all different shapes and sizes and all sort of things make them what they are. And that’s I guess what nonbinary is like.” 

“That’s so cool!” Miles exclaimed. 

“It is isn’t it? That’s what I am, I’m nonbinary.” Jamie added, their voice shaking slightly. 

“So you’re like our very own star?” Flora asked after a few moments. 

Jamie smiled, “I suppose so. And you know how boys and girls are referred to differently with pronouns?”

Miles interjected, “like he and him for boys and she and her for girls?”

“Exactly that yes Miles. Well for nonbinary people they and them are used. They’re singular non gendered pronouns!”

“But they’re for groups?” Flora asked with a puzzled expression. 

“Not always, if you didn’t know who a dog belonged to you may say, ‘I hope we find the owner they must be very sad’ it’s just like that.” Jamie added. 

“Oh of course, yes that makes sense.” 

Jamie gulped, “I like to use they and them pronouns. So if you could both try really hard to use those that would be amazing. I am okay with she and her too so don’t worry if you slip up but if you try you’re best then that’s all that matters to me!”

“That’s okay, Jamie, we can do that can’t we Flora?” Flora nodded. 

“Thank you both. When you meet new people it’s really good to ask what their pronouns are and tell them yours, no matter what they look like.” Jamie said taking a sip of hot chocolate. 

“So I’m Flora and I am she and her?” Flora asked. 

“Basically yes! You say your name and say you use she/her pronouns and then ask for the other persons!” 

“Wow it’s like a second name but lots of people share it!” Flora said ecstatically. 

“That’s so cool!” Miles added. 

“It is isn’t it?” Jamie smiled. “Thank you both for letting me tell you this and,” they leaned in slightly and put their hand over their mouth and whispered, “that was just as scary as Dani was outside so thank you for making it better.” The children smiled and Jamie winked. 

“Can we do and see Owen and Hannah please? I’ve finished my drink!” Flora said showing her empty mug. 

“Me too!” Miles said and then finished the dregs. 

“Go on then!” Dani said and the children rushed into the kitchen and the adults slowly walked behind and stopped at the doorway in the kitchen. 

“Hi Hannah, I’m Flora and I use she/her. What are your pronouns?” she asked excitedly. 

Hannah smiled and put her mug down, “I use she/her. What about you Miles, what do you use?” 

Miles smiled, “I use he/him. Owen!” Owen turned around, “what pronouns do you use?”

“I use he/him just like you!”

Jamie couldn’t help but smile, a smile that went from ear to ear. They stepped back and went back into the living room and sat down, Dani followed and joined. 

“That went well, huh?” Dani asked. 

“You think?” Jamie couldn’t stop smiling. 

“They really listened and respected you it was beautiful.” Dani added and Jamie’s smile grew. Dani leant towards Jamie slightly and whispered, “you’re my very own star.”


	7. The Little Things

“Dani! Dani!” Flora shouted at the au pair in the living room. 

“Yes Flora?” confused the au pair turned in her seat to face the door to see Flora and Miles stood excited about something. 

“Can we borrow you please?” Miles asked politely. The au pair looked back towards Jamie and they shared a look of confusion. 

“Yes you may.” Dani stood up and walked behind the sofa towards the door and put her hand on the gardeners shoulder as she did which made them jump slightly. 

Flora grabbed the au pairs hand and dragged her into the kitchen where Hannah and Owen were sat. 

“What’s going on?” the au pair asked. 

“We wanted to practice using they/them pronouns for Jamie so when we see he- them, sorry.” Miles said with a look of shame as he stumbled. 

“We want it to be perfect when we’re with Jamie!” Flora added. 

“It’s okay Miles, love, remember what Jamie said, she and her is still okay as long as we try. Don’t put yourself down but well done for correcting yourself, that’s exactly the right thing to do!” Hannah said standing up, she walked towards him and leant down and took one of his hands in hers. She looked over at Flora and took one of her hands. “We’re all new to this. Us too, so we’re all going to slip up and struggle at times but it’s okay. Jamie knows that it’s not intentional and you’re trying - we’re all trying.”

“Hannah is right,” Owen reassured. “Your idea for us to practice with each other is exactly the right thing to do.”

“That was your idea, Miles?” Dani asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, he nodded. “Well that’s very thoughtful of you. Jamie will appreciate that so much.”

“We want to keep it a secret for now. No need to make it a big thing, is there?” Flora said. 

“Oh of course, Jamie is just in the living room now. So how about we let Owen finish making lunch and let these two have some peace and see if we can convince Jamie into some card games in the dining room before Lunch?”

“That would be perfectly splendid, Miss Clayton!” Hannah stood up and let go of the children’s hands and went towards the sink to wash her hands before helping Owen make lunch. 

Dani walked out of the room and the children followed her behind, Flora started to skip across to the living room. 

Hannah was washing her hands when Owen stood up and walked towards her. Hannah turned around to dry her hands on the towel and collided with Owen. 

“Woah! Coming onto me are we?” Owen smirked. 

Hannah stepped away, embarrassed, she hit him with the towel and they both laughed. “Shut up.”

The two both had unspoken feelings about the other but neither would admit it. They were joking and laughing together as they prepared lunch. 

Hannah was too scared to ever let anyone in emotionally after her husband passed. She didn’t want to let anyone in out of fear of losing them. But what she felt with Owen was so real and beautiful and she wanted to tell him how she felt, but at the same time, she didn’t want to ruin what they had. 

“You wanna know something?” Owen looked towards Hannah as he spoke.

“Mm?”

“This. This right here, us.” He paused, “it could be something beautiful, you know?”

“Owe-“

“I know we’ve been ignoring this, pretending it’s not happening but... Jamie let them...self(?)” he wasn’t sure of the correct grammar but Hannah nodded in reassurance that he was right, “be vulnerable today and trust us. So I guess that’s what I’m doing.” He paused again, “how about, tomorrow we take the evening off, after I make dinner we go into Bly? We can find a nice restaurant, see what happens?” Hannah was smiling to herself with relief and excitement, she had been waiting for him to make the first move for such a long time. 

“That would be lovely, I’m sure Dani can cope without us for one night.”

“Oh come on Hannah, you know she’s not going to be alone here. I can’t be the only one that’s noticed a certain somebody’s days seeming longer and longer...” They both laughed. 

“I suppose you’re right, I don’t think that certain person went home last night.” Hannah said with a smile. 

“So it’s a date.” 

“I guess it is,” Hannah knocked into Owens arm and they both laughed. Owen flashed the knife he was using at her and they both kept laughing. They were absorbed in there conversation while they were preparing lunch for so long that neither of them notice Jamie enter the room, they walked up to the cupboard and took out a glass and filled it up from the sink. 

“Alright love birds, keep it pg in here. There’s kids nearby.” Jamie said with a laugh and walked back out of the room. Owen and Hannah looked at each other and laughed. 

* * *

“So it’s they, them and their? T h e i r?” Flora asked as she wrote in a notebook. 

“Yes that’s it.” Hannah responded. The gardener had gone home after dinner and the children asked Owen to stay late so they could all do some practicing. Miles and Flora had found spare notebooks for them both to write in to practice. They were both so excited to learn something new. 

“What time are they coming to work tomorrow?” Miles said proudly and Dani smiled. 

“I think they’re going to be in at 6am tomorrow, it’s their early day tomorrow.” Dani replied. 

“So that’s,” Flora paused while writing, “they are?” 

“Yes, love, if it was you we would say she is but for they it’s they are.” Owen said, “t h e y then an apostrophe r and e, yes just like that perfect,” he added as Flora wrote his spelling out, Miles wrote it down too. 

They all kept using practice sentences and different phrases to try and get the write forms of the word they as possible to help the children. They practiced for a couple of hours, with a hot chocolate and a few biscuits scattered around those hours. 

“Right then kids, I think it’s time for bed.” Dani said looking at the children. 

“Oh okay. It is late. Thank you Owen for staying and helping us,” Flora smiled. 

“Yes thank you Owen and thank you both for helping us.” Miles added. 

“No thanks necessary you helped us all too, both of you.” Owen said, “oh my it is late I best be getting home soon.”

“Off you both go brush your teeth and pyjamas on I’ll be there in three minutes.” The children closed their notebooks and took them upstairs. 

“Before I go, Dani,” Owen asked, Dani smiled at him, “is it alright if I steal your housekeeper tomorrow? I want to show her a restaurant I found in Bly. I’ll still make dinner for you and the kids,” under his breath he added, “and inevitably Jamie.”

“Of course it is. You two have fun, you deserve it, some time together away from here.” Dani started to leave the room but turned to add, “and yes, I did hear that”

The two laughed in the kitchen and Owen went to wash the mugs up, Hannah tidied up the kitchen whilst he did. 

“Well I suppose this is farewell until tomorrow, my dear.” He said with a smile. He didn’t give Hannah a chance to reply before he left the room, she poured herself a glass of water and went to bed. 

* * *

“Goodnight,” Dani closed the door and walked across the hall into her room. She was so exhausted for no reason but she couldn’t wait to sleep. She entered her room and saw a note on her bedside table, she opened it and on it it read:

_Thank you for today_

_ All my love, _

_ Jamie x _

The au pair smiled and clutched the note to her chest for a moment, she set it down on the dresser and put some pyjamas on.

The au pair was tired but couldn’t sleep straight away so went down the the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water and slowly made her way back upstairs, the whole time smiling to herself. 

_Jamie. Jamie. Jamie_.  She thought to herself,  _ this is what it’s  ** meant ** _ _to feel like. This is what’s been missing. My star._

The au pair got into bed and thought about the gardener, how their curls would fall in front of her eyes when she worked, how they would smile when they thought nobody was looking. No matter what the au pair did, she couldn’t get the gardener off her mind until she drifted into sleep. 


	8. Owen and Hannah

“So that’s the kind of restaurant you want?” Hannah asked, as they left the restaurant. 

“Yes it is. Classy to an extent but at the same time welcoming. I want people to feel like they can come back.” Owen put his scarf on and reached down towards Hannah’s, she intertwined her fingers with his and they both breathed out a laugh. “There’s a nice walk round through the backstreets if you like?”

Hannah smiled, “sounds wonderful.” The two looked at each other and smiled, Owen started to walk across the road and pulled Hannah along with him. 

The streets were dimly lit but and few houses had outside lights, but it was a beautiful sight. It was mostly old houses and cottages along the cobbled street. There were a few trees dotted around the roads that added to the atmosphere, the street lights reflected off the leaves with a beautiful green tone. The two walked along hand in hand through the streets, pointing at houses that they liked and which they wanted. 

“That fireplace, look at that!” Hannah slapped Owen with her right arm and they laughed. 

“You can’t stare into peoples houses like that Owen!”

“If their curtains are drawn back and their light is on, it’s an open invitation for me to look in,” he paused, looking in around the room more. “And in all fairness, with a room as nice as that I can’t blame them.” 

Hannah reluctantly started looking in the window, “okay, yeah. That is a beautiful room.” 

“Welcome to the dark side, love.”

“Oh shut up,” she said pulling him along with her. 

“So what’s your dream house then? You can’t live at Bly forever.”

“A little cottage, I think. Somewhere quiet like this. Part of a village, nice atmosphere you know? Somewhere where you know your neighbours and everyone just knows everyone.”

“That does sound quite nice, shame I wasn’t part of your future.”

“You’re so full of yourself sometimes.”

“I like to call it my charm. Owen Charma should’ve been my name.” They both laughed and Hannah slightly squeezed Owen’s hand. “Careful Hannah, you might send me the wrong impression. Wouldn’t want to think you like me or anything...”

“Sometimes I do wonder why on Earth I do like you, and yet here we are.”

“Here we are indeed, That was my first ever flat the one there, above that shop. Moved there after school, got a job down at the restaurant we went to.” Owen said pointing towards a tiny shop. “This is where I am now,” he said gesturing to a house to their right just round the corner from the shop. 

“Never one to move far...” Hannah said. 

“What about living in Paris? I’ll have you know I have a wild side.”

“I’m sure you do.” She smiled up at Owen and he looked down into her eyes and smiled back. “I suppose I best be getting back to the manor, don’t want Dani being terrorised by those kids.”

“Don’t we?” Owen laughed; “I’m kidding, of course.”

“She seemed worried that I wouldn’t come back tonight, I don’t think she’s ready to spend a night alone in the house yet.” Hannah took a breath, “I don’t blame her, poor thing.”

“She’s got Jamie there. She’s not completely alone.”

“When we left yes, but they could’ve left by now.”

“I suppose you’re right, dear. What’s going on with those two anyway? Jamie never used to spend this much time at the manor.”

Hannah smirked, “I don’t know. But there’s something between them that’s for sure, I doubt they’ve even acknowledged it.”

“Didn’t Dani mention a fiancé? I’m sure she said she did and I’m sure it was a man.”

“That’s true. I hope if that is the case she doesn’t string Jamie along. She might act tough but she’s a softie at heart and I don’t want to see their heart broken.”

Owen exhaled with a shrug, “I guess time will tell, maybe we can try and talk to Dani, see what her past was like.”

“Owen this is not the time to try and be a detective, but I guess there’s no harm in asking about that part of her life.”

“Exactly love, now, would you like a lift back?”

“I can get a taxi back, don’t you worry.”

“Come on get in the car,” Owen walked towards the car parked outside his house. 

Hannah stopped before they got to the car and Owen realised and turned to her, they were still hand in hand. “Hannah?” Owen asked with concern in his voice. She didn’t reply, instead looked into his eyes and pulled him towards her. 

“Thank you for today.”

“It was my pleasure, love.”

Hannah reached for Owen’s other hand, and squeezed it, she stepped onto her toes and kissed him on the cheek. 

“Oh come on, we can do better than that,” Owen retorted, letting go of Hannah’s hands and placing them on her hips and pulling her towards him. He leant down and placed his lips gently on hers, she felt a sense of relief that she hadn’t felt in such a long time. Everything in that moment felt right. A few moments later she pulled away and smiled. 

“Right get in, you. No more distracting me, you’re the one that wants to go back.”

Hannah smiled and let go of Owen, she walked towards the passenger side and got in. They talked about nothing and everything and nothing on the way back and when they pulled up outside the manor, Jamie’s car was still outside. 

“That answers that question then.” Owen said, Hannah was in her own world and hadn’t noticed. She looked round to the manor and clocked the gardeners car. 

“Ah, maybe it was alright after all.” The car halted and Hannah turned to look at Owen, “thanks again.”

“Anything for you, my dear.” The two laughed and Hannah reached for the door.“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said grabbing the housekeepers hand and bringing it towards him, he planted a kiss on it and then let go. She smiled to herself and got out of the car. 

As she walked towards the manor and looked back and briefly smiled and waved. She turned back and couldn’t stop herself from smiling. She was happy again, after such a long time. She’d found a peace within herself and with him. 


	9. Finding Comfort

“I’ll be back this evening, don’t worry love.” 

“Thanks Hannah, I’m sorry about that, I just can’t get used to this house.” Dani said with a worried look in her eyes. 

“Honestly, it’s no bother. I live here, I know what it’s like at first. Especially alone.” Hannah smiled. 

“Hannah, love, are you ready?” Owen shouted from the hallway. Hannah put her hand on Dani’s arm. She squeezed slightly and walked out of the kitchen. 

Jamie and the children came running into the house, “Wash your hands!” they shouted as the children stumbled into the kitchen.

“What on Earth?!” Dani exclaimed with a smile, the children rushed to the sink and Jamie lingered next to Dani, clearly out of breath. “You okay?” she whispered to the gardener. 

“Oh yeah. All good.” they took a breath, “I bet them that they couldn’t help me take my tools back and get back to the house in five minutes.”

“And we won!” Miles responded smugly, he had finished washing his hands and went to get a towel from the side. 

“Unfortunately, yes they did.” They responded with a regretful tone in their voice. 

“And what did you say they could have?” Dani asked, worryingly. 

“We get to stay up a whole hour tonight!” Flora excitedly added. “It was Jamie’s idea!”

“Jamie...?” 

“Flora! You promised you wouldn’t tell Dani!”

“Sorry Jamie.”

“And you thought this was a good idea on the night Hannah and Owen are out? Owens made a special pudding for us all, to say sorry for leaving.” Dani responded, “full of sugar too.”

“Why don’t you stay Jamie?” Miles asked. 

“We could have a sleepover!” Flora shouted. 

“I don’t know if poor Dani can cope without me... so I suppose we might have to. Only if that’s okay with you, Dani?”

“Do I have a choice?” She asked looking towards the children, they both shook their heads in response and Jamie joined in too.“Guess that’s settled then, Owen’s sorted us a buffet in the dinning room, Miles, can you get a jug of water and take it through please. Flora can you take those glasses through. You two start without us, I just need to sort this out.”

The two children picked up what they needed to, Miles filled the jug up and they both wondered towards the dining room. 

“What job do I have Miss Clayton?” Jamie asked in a playful tone. 

“You best clean yourself up, have you seen the state of you!” Dani said looking the gardener up and down. 

“Oi you!” Jamie looked at their hands and moved towards Dani, taunting her with the mud. 

“Don’t you dare!” Dani backed away fearfully, but Jamie was too fast and grabbed the au pairs hands and Dani felt the stickiness of the mud on their hands. “Oh no you didn’t!”

Dani tried to move towards the sink but Jamie kept hold of the au pairs hands, Dani managed to loosen herself from Jamie’s grip and turn the tap on. 

“No, no, no!” Jamie panicked and let go of Dani’s other hand and tried to run. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Dani managed to grab the gardeners hand back and pull them in close, “you bought this on yourself,” the au pair said, the two were inches apart, their breaths synced. 

“Please,” Jamie begged. Dani ignored their pleas and flicked water from the tap at them. She cupped her hand and tried to hold as much water in her hand as possible and quickly launched it at Jamie. “You didn’t!” Jamie tried to reach to splash Dani with the tap, they moved closer, their bodies touching, their faces an inch apart. Dani looked deep into the gardeners eyes, she was caught in the beauty of them, which gave Jamie the chance to splash Dani from behind. Dani jerked forward in shock, their noses touching now. Neither moved, they stood, noses touching, bodies against each other.  _ I want to kiss her so badly _ , Jamie thought. 

_ I’m gonna do it _ , Dani thought to herself, she took a deep breath in, looked down at the gardeners lips and moved back slightly, she looked back down towards their lips and noticed Jamie doing the same. They book took a deep breath in and moved back towards each other, their lips collided. 

Dani let go of Jamie’s hand and placed her hands on the gardeners waist, Jamie moved their hands and placed one on the small of Dani’s back and one gently on her cheek. Jamie pulled back for a second, they smiled at each other and Jamie pressed their lips on Dani’s, gripping slightly tighter on the au pairs back.

Dani had never felt this way before, everything felt so right; so beautiful. She pulled back and looked deep into the gardeners eyes, “we should probably join the kids,” she softly said, breaking the silence. 

“I suppose so.” Jamie responded, smiling, they leant forward and placed a quick kiss on Dani’s lips, “out the way then I need to wash my hands.”

“Oh like I don’t,” Dani sarcastically retorted. The two turned to face the sink, and washed their hands in turn, their arms touching. Jamie shoved Dani playfully, “give over.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” Dani said shaking her hands off in the sink, before flicking some of the excess water in Jamie’s face. 

“You little!” Jamie growled as a playful response. 

“Little what? You’re shorter than me!” Dani retorted, as she walked away. 

“No you’re not!”

“Whatever you say,” Dani replied, leaving the room, a smile on her face so big, it went from war to ear and she couldn’t get rid of it. She walked into the dining room to find the children feasting away, having a conversation about Owen and Hannah. 

“Don’t you agree Miss Clayton, they’re perfect together!” Flora said looking towards Dani. 

Dani took a seat opposite Flora, “Hannah and Owen?” Flora nodded, Dani reached out to put some food on her plate, “they do make each other very happy, don’t they?”

“Does anyone make you happy like that Dani?” Flora questioned, Jamie entered the room and sat down next to Dani. 

“I think so, yes.” 

“Oh that’s splendid! You must tell us all about him! Is he someone from London?” Miles added. Dani placed her hand on her own lap under the table and began to move it towards Jamie’s lap. 

“Not quite, what about you two?” Dani’s hand was now on Jamie’s leg, Jamie placed their other than over Dani’s and applied some pressure. 

“Miles makes me happy,” Flora smiled. 

“And Flora makes me happy!” Miles responded with a smile

* * *

“Jamie, will you read me a story, please?” Flora asked. Jamie wasn’t fond of the children but during the evening they had grown a new respect for the children. 

“Just this once, and don’t you dare tell Miles,” Dani was putting Miles to bed and the doors between their rooms had been shut because Flora had asked Jamie to put her to bed. 

Flora picked out a short story out and handed the book to Jamie, who proceeded to sit on the edge of Flora’s bed and began to read, they hadn’t read for a long time, not out loud. Not since they had been at home, they used to read to Mickey every night to settle him before they went to sleep. 

“Goodnight, Flora,” Jamie said as they finished the story, Flora’s eyes barely open, Jamie leant down and kissed her on her forehead. They put the book back and turned the lamp next to Flora’s bed off and quietly left and closed the door gently. 

They saw Dani in her room and knocked on the door, “Can I come in, poppins?” Dani nodded and Jamie walked in and closed the door behind them. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, about my pronouns,” Jamie began, something they didn’t realise they were ready to talk about until it was already being said. 

Dani sat down and patted the bed next to her, “of course.” Jamie sat down and took a deep breath in. 

“I think I’ve realised that actually, I just want to use they/them. It feels so right whenever anyone’s used it. It fits, it feels good.”

“I’m glad you’ve found what makes you comfortable,” Dani said placing a hand on Jamie’s leg, “and I’m so glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“I think I could tell you anything,  ** you ** make me feel the most comfortable.” Jamie placed one of their hands on top of Dani’s and turned to look into her eyes. They say for a moment in silence staring into each other’s eyes until Jamie leant towards Dani and kissed her gently at first, but their passion grew and they moved closer together, Jamie pulled back for a moment and placed their leg over Dani and sat on her lap, the two smiled. Jamie leaned down towards Dani and kissed her, the two hungry for each other, Dani began to lie back and Jamie followed her movements. Dani pulled back for a moment to take her jumper off, the two laughed as Dani got stuck in her jumper. 

“Let me help,” Jamie said assisting the blonde woman, Dani got free and then took her own t-shirt off, Jamie took theirs off and leant down to kiss Dani, they pulled back for a moment, “are you sure?”

“Yes,” Dani replied, eager for Jamie’s lips. 

“Thank fuck.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dani woke to see Jamie asleep by her side still, she didn’t want to wake the gardener, they looked so peaceful lying there. Dani got up and started to get dressed and brushed her hair through with her fingers and walked towards the window. 

“It’s beautiful out there in the mornings, isn’t it?” Jamie sleepily asked. 

“Did I wake you? I’m sorrry.”

“No you didn’t, poppins. But you should’ve done.” Jamie smiled and sat up. 

“It’s so peaceful out there.” Dani sat next to jamie on the bed and placed her hands on the gardeners lap. 

“Let’s go for a walk then, the kids won’t be awake yet will they?”

“I shouldn’t think so.” Dani said gazing at her watch. “Not this early,” they both laughed and Dani leaned towards Jamie and planted a kiss on their lips. 

* * *

The two walked towards the statue garden and once they were out of sight of the house, Dani took Jamie’s hand in her own. Jamie tensed slightly then relaxed, this was all so scary for them. 

“I was thinking of telling Hannah and Owen about me just using they/them from now on, do you think they’ll mind?” Jamie asked nervously, they were looking down at their feet and fiddling with their jacket zip. 

Dani placed her hand under the gardeners chin and raised their head to make eye contact, “of course they won’t mind, they love you. Everyone here just wants you to be happy. I wasn’t meant to say this but but,” Dani took Jamie’s other hand in her own and squeezed, “the kids asked us to do secret lessons with them to help them learn how to use they/them.”

“Did they really?” Jamie asked shyly. 

“They did and they had so much fun doing it, so did we if I’m being honest, it’s new to us all and it was nice to get that chance.”

Jamie couldn’t help but smile, it stretched from ear to ear. “That’s so lovely to hear.”

“And it was all for  you . We all just want you to be happy and comfortable and anything any of us can do to help.”

“Dani,” Jamie paused, lost for words. 

“You don’t need to say anything. Well other than asking to go inside you look so cold, oh come here!” Dani said engulfing Jamie in an embrace. Their hug lingered and the two stood together in silence, content with each other, for what seemed like hours. “Come on I’ll make you some tea.”

“Don’t even think about doing that, I’ll make the tea, you get the kids. And I’m not saying that because you’re shite at it.”

“Yes you are,” Dani glared at Jamie. 

“Maybe I am, but it’s true.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

* * *

“So how was your night?” Jamie asked Hannah playfully. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” the two exchanged a look and laughed. “It was nice, I got to see where he grew up.”

“Was the restaurant nice? He’s been raving about that for months. Thank fuck someone finally took one for the team and went with him.”

“Hey now, he was just excited,” Hannah paused to laugh, “it was really nice, nice food, nice atmosphere. Apparently it’s the sort of place he wants to have for himself one day, but oh god, Jamie, the names he’s come up with.”

“I’m guessing puns?” Hannah nodded, “that’s brilliant, what an idiot!”

“So how come you’re here so early, didn’t make it home again did we?” 

“Oh give over, you were so late back and you know how worried Dani gets. I couldn’t leave her on her own until you got back, and she was asleep long before that.”

“You’re her hero,” Hannah shoved Jamie slightly. 

“Shut it.” 

“Tea?”

“Ta. Uh, Hannah?”

“Yes, love?” Hannah poured them both a cup of tea and placed the pot back on the table and sat down again next to Jamie. 

“If you don’t mind, could you just use they/them for me please?”

“Of course, love. Whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“You’re a star, Hannah.” Jamie said as Owen walked into the room. 

“Am I not?” Owen asked. 

“That depends, tea?” Hannah asked. And Owen nodded. 

“Hey Owen, would you be alright just using they/them for me?”

“Of course, dear.”

“You’re a star,” Jamie sarcastically added and they all began to laugh. “So come on then, what are these restaurant names?”

“Mrs. Grosse! That was supposed to be top secret!” The three continued to laugh as the children launched into the room. Flora had put on a pink dress and had a sparkly bow in her hair, Miles had a knitted jumper and a shirt underneath, they both looked very smart. 

“Mrs. Grosse, Mrs. Grosse!” Exclaimed Flora, “Miss. Clayton said we could go to that restaurant for lunch with you and Owen!”

Dani entered the room not too far behind the children, “I said if they would like, Flora.”

Dani had changed into a beautiful pink silk shirt and a pair of black trousers, her hair was beautifully flowing over her shoulders and shimmered in the sunlight, she looked like a beautiful painting. Jamie couldn’t stop staring at the au pair, her blue eyes complimented by the pink of her blouse. 

“Old muggins here has to stay behind, do I?” Jamie asked sarcastically. 

“Oh please can they come Miss. Clayton?”

Dani looked deep into the gardeners eyes, entranced for a moment, almost like a spell. The au pair broke herself out of the spell, “Only if they want to, Miles.”

“Oh please Jamie, please come with us!!” chirped Flora. 

“Only if you two help me out in the garden before we go?” Bargained the gardener, of course they did want to go and would’ve gone even without the children asking, but they didn’t want to let anyone think there was anything going on between them and Dani. “But I would suggest changing first,” the children scarpered away to change quickly. “Oi!” the gardener shouted. “Fuck this,” they continued, before chasing after them. 

“Are they okay?” Dani asked Hannah as Jamie dashed out of the room. 

“I thought so?”

“Strange.”

The gardener followed the children upstairs unnoticed, as the children got to their bedroom doors Jamie slipped in front of Flora before she opened her door. Flora jumped out of her skin and shrieked, which made Miles jump. Jamie began to laugh and the children glared. 

“Oi! Jamie!” spoke Miles, “not funny.”

“I think it was actually,” Jamie smirked, “I wasn’t done talking to yous.”

“Oh! I’m ever so sorry, Jamie!” Flora looked at the gardener with adoring eyes. 

“I just wanted to say, Dani let slip about your pronoun lessons-“

“She promised!” Miles interrupted. 

“She promised she wouldn’t say!” Flora added. 

“It made my day when she told me, all I wanted to ask was, would you both just use they/them for me?” 

“Of course, Jamie,” Miles responded, Jamie felt uncomfortable with his manor but ignored it. 

“Thanks kids, now quickly, we’ve got a lot of work to do if we’re going to lunch. I’ll be in the kitchen waiting!” Jamie added as they walked away back towards the kitchen. 

As they did, Hannah, Owen and Dani were all deep in conversation, Hannah and Owen couldn’t take their eyes off each other, it was sickening to see but Jamie felt a deep twang of jealously throughout their body. Owen reached for Hannah’s hand and the two sat hand in hand while they chatted. Jamie walked in and sat beside Dani, all they wanted to do was kiss her. Her smile was beautiful when she laughed, her face full of emotion and happiness. The children came rushing into the kitchen calling for Jamie and with that, they stood and were dragged outside by the children, almost instantly. Dani watched as Jamie disappeared into the distance and smiled to herself. Hannah and Owen shared a look and then smiled. 


	11. Chapter 11

“Hi, we have a table booked in the name of Sharma?” Owen asked the waiter.

“Ah yes, this way please,” the waiter said ushering them all to follow after him. He took them to a table in the corner next to the glass doors, the view outside was on the hills of Bly, trees scattered about them, decorating them slightly. 

“This view. Wow” spoke Dani, with her American accent seemingly stronger than ever. 

“On holiday are we, Misss?” The waiter asked, pouring water into each glass on the table from a jug. 

“Oh no, I live here now, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over the views!” 

“I can’t either!” he responded, “they are just wonderful. If there’s anything at all I can do for you, please let me know.” He said, smiling at Dani. She felt her stomach drop, she’d spent so long at the manor she’d forgotten what it was like in the real world, where men assume she’s straight and assume her politeness is an invitation for them. Jamie on the other hand, felt a deep sadness, seeing Dani so happy with the waiter flirting with her. 

Dani felt a sense of confidence deep within herself, something she’d never felt before and so she took advantage of that confidence and began to talk, “I have something to tell you all, if that’s okay.” Everyone nodded around them and began to look mildly concerned, especially Jamie, they knew Dani would never out them but Jamie also couldn’t imagining Dani ever telling anyone about herself. “I’m gay, well. I’m a lesbian.” She paused and took a sip from her glass, in awe that she had managed to utter the words. 

“Dani, what’s a lesbian?” Flora asked. 

“Well Flora, it means that I like women, one day I will marry one, hopefully. Most women would marry a man, but I don’t want to. I see myself someday loving a woman.”

“I’ve heard about that,” Miles snorted, “I don’t think you should be saying such things in public, especially in front of Flora.”

Jamie felt themselves tense in anger; they wanted to scream like they never had before. But before they could speak, Owen started to talk, “Now Miles, why would you say such a thing? There’s nothing g wrong with that. Dani can’t help it, and that’s okay. It’s beautiful, I think.”

“It’s just wrong isn’t it?” Miles responded. 

“Well no Miles, it isn’t.” Hannah began, “ I have been in love with women before and that’s okay, like Owen said it’s beautiful. It’s just something you’re not used to talking about and that’s okay but you mustn’t say such negative things.”

“Hannah is right,” Owen added, “you mustn’t say that. Dani was very brave telling us that and it’s important we make her feel loved and supported,” Owen turned to face Dani and reached for her hand and squeezed it, “and we do, both love and support you.”

Hannah was sat the other side of Dani and took her other hand beneath the tables and held onto it, “we really do, love.” Owen let go of Danis hand but Hannah didn’t, she could feel Dani slightly shaking and wanted to keep the pressure on Dani, allowing her to focus on something else. 

“Jamie will feel the same as me, don’t you Jamie?” Miles sneered. 

“Don’t you dare say such a thing about me, Miles,” Jamie angrily retorted, “I would never be so negative towards someone about something they have no control over.”

“You’re just saying that.” Miles rolled his eyes. 

“Miles, come with me to the toilets please.”

“I don’t need-“ Miles tried to tell Owen, but he interrupted him. 

“It wasn’t a question, now come on.” Owen stood up and leant down to Dani, “I’m so sorry, love.”

“Are you okay?” Hannah asked Dani as Miles and Owen walked away. 

Flora looked upset and turned to Jamie for comfort, the two were sat next to each other. Flora moved towards Jamie slightly, “Jamie?” Flora asked, “are  you okay?”

“I’m okay, thank you Flora.”

“Can I go and see Miles please? I can see him stood over there with Owen.” 

“Quickly yes, once you tell me what you want so I can tell the waiter.”

“I’d like the chicken salad please, thank you Jamie.” Flora said wondering off to join the two stood outside. 

Owen came back to join the table, “Flora asked to talk to Miles, he seems to feel a bit sorry.”

“It’s nothing don’t worry, Owen, it’s to be expected. I sprung it on him.”

“It’s still allowed to hurt,” Hannah said, squeezing her hand. 

Miles and Flora joined the table again and Miles mumbled a “sorry” and then proceeded to sit mostly in silence for the rest of the meal.

* * *

Back at the manor, Miles and Flora went straight to their bedrooms to change as instructed by Hannah. 

“Please take the afternoon off, love,” Hannah said, “I’ve got things handled here, I think you need some time to relax.”

“I couldn’t possibly, but thank you Hannah,” Dani responded. 

“Why don’t you help me in the garden and Hannah can look after the kids?” Jamie asked. 

Dani looked down sheepishly, not wanting to make a problem for anyone she reluctantly agreed as she knew nobody would let her work without constantly worrying. 

“Come on, let’s get changed then get started.” Jamie took Dani’s hand proudly and walked upstairs with her. Hannah smiled to herself as they did and entered the kitchen to inform Owen that she was looking after the children the rest of the day.

* * *

“I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay, because I don’t like being lied to, so what are you thinking?” Jamie asked, sitting on Dani’s bed. 

Dank sat beside them and began to play with a thread at the bottom of her blouse, “I just don’t know what to do now. With Miles thinking this. He’ll surely tell Henry and I’m then out of a job.”

“Hey,” Jamie said trying to look into Dani’s eyes, “nothing like that is going to happen, Henry isn’t like that, trust me.”

“I didn’t mean to make a scene, I just didn’t want everyone thinking I liked that man, I hated every moment of him taking my kindness to be interest in him.”

“Unfortunately that’s what men do, can’t stand them myself, never let myself be nice to them anymore, no point is there. They all just take that to mean you’re interested and I never am.”

“I couldn’t do that, I wish I could,” Danis said, beginning to cry. “I never got to tell my dad. And I didn’t want to go on pretending I’m something I’m not. It’s stupid, I know, but I just wanted someone but me to know.”

Jamie took Dani’s hand and the au pair looked up into Jamie’s eyes. “That’s okay. I do too, but I’ve never been able to even say it out loud to myself let alone anyone else.”

“One day you will.”

“I don’t want to have to come out, I just want to be with someone and people realise when they see us together, just like straight people do.” Dani smiled at Jamie as they spoke. 

“Let’s do it; let’s go on a date. Let’s be just that. Let’s ask Owen and Hannah on a double date, let’s go for it and not hide.”

“Dani-“

“I’m ready for it, if you are?” Dani asked, inching towards Jamie’s face. 

“I think I am too.” Jamie leaned closer towards Dani, their noses touching. A smile began to grow on Dani’s face, “but don’t you dare let anyone think you’re softening me up.” The two laughed and their lips collided, nothing had felt this right in such a long time for Dani. They got together like puzzle pieces, and everything felt like it was meant to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the same house and context as Bly Manor with a few differences. There’s nothing supernatural going on, the children’s parents died a few years ago, Quint and Rebecca did used to work at Bly but they ran away to America together. Uncle Henry is an alcoholic, Dani had a suspicion at her interview but didn’t have enough evidence so left it be and just hoped she got the job. She did. Owen and Hannah still work at Bly and Hannah is alive. There is no lady in the lake, the lake is often used to swim in, the children adore it.  
> Dani did have a comphet engagement back in America and they broke up in the car and he got out into traffic, he didn’t die but he was injured, only broken bones etc and he recovered but Dani still holds a lot of trauma, from seeing it and from creating scenarios in her head of what could’ve happened, mostly in dreams but sometimes daydreams.  
> The story takes place in 1987, as well as the show, there is more knowledge about gender identity including that of outside the binary, it isn’t commonly accepted but it exists and there are lots who identity as such in this timeline, gay marriage is still illegal and queer couples mostly exist under the radar in public due to abuse.


End file.
